Over the years, one thing’s become abundantly clear to me: how you communicate and influence others plays a big role in how far you go in your career.
Emotional intelligence doesn’t just shape your career path—it’s also closely tied to your salary and potential for promotion. In 2023, Truity introduced a validated Emotional Intelligence model and assessment (which you can take here) to identify an individual’s top EQ strengths. Among the more than 28,000 people who completed the test, two traits emerged as most closely associated with higher earnings and advancement: Social awareness—the ability to understand others’ emotions—and emotional control—the capacity to manage and regulate one’s feelings.
In fields like sales, procurement, and L&D, those two things—communication and influence—are part of your daily work. But they’re also how you build trust, lead teams, close deals, manage up, and get people on board with change. It doesn’t matter whether you’re trying to land a promotion, fix a broken process, or just get someone to return your call.
These skills matter.
I’ve noticed a pattern in my career: the people who grow the fastest and lead the strongest lean on the same seven. Give or take, they come up repeatedly—sometimes on purpose, sometimes without realizing it. I didn’t figure that out by reading a book or taking a course. I picked that up by trying, messing up, getting it right, then messing up again.
1. Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is a skill a lot of people talk about. Yet, they usually focus on just one piece of it. It’s not just about reading other people. It’s also about knowing how to manage your own reactions and adjust how you communicate depending on who you’re talking to.
People love to repeat the idea, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” But, truthfully, that’s not great advice regarding communication. The better mindset is to treat people the way they want to be treated. That means paying attention, picking up on what someone responds to, and adjusting how you show up.
Simple ways to build emotional intelligence include actively listening, developing self-awareness, practicing empathy, managing stress effectively, seeking feedback, and learning from mistakes.
Remember this in your next client meetings, interviews, and everyday check-ins—emotional intelligence helps you connect, stay calm, and keep conversations on track.
2. Building Trust and Relationships
You build trust when you show you know what you’re talking about, follow through on what you say, and stay connected in a way that feels real, not transactional. There’s also the value piece—people trust you more when you’re genuinely going above and beyond to help them solve problems.
I like a simple example: if I tell someone I’ll call on Tuesday, and I call on Tuesday, that matters. Many people don’t consistently do the basics, and over time, those small actions add up. In sales or procurement, trust can make or break a deal. In L&D, it helps you influence the people you’re supporting and coaching.
The equation Trust = (Credibility + Reliability + Connection + Value) / Self-Interest offers a structured way to understand how trust is built and maintained. According to this model, trust increases when someone demonstrates credibility, reliability, personal connection, and the ability to deliver value.
Credibility refers to how knowledgeable, competent, and clear a person is in their communication and expertise. Reliability is about consistency—how often someone follows through on promises and delivers results over time. Connection captures the emotional bond or rapport a person builds, which makes others feel safe, understood, and respected. Value speaks to how much benefit or usefulness a person provides through ideas, actions, or support.
These four positive traits are added together in the numerator of the equation, but their total impact on trust is reduced by self-interest, which is in the denominator. If someone appears self-serving or primarily motivated by personal gain, trust erodes—regardless of how credible or reliable they are.
This model emphasizes that trust is not just about competence or likability; it also depends on how much people believe you are acting in their best interest, not just your own. Lower self-interest, higher trust.
3. Clear, Concise Communication (With a Little Storytelling)
I teach a course at Johns Hopkins, and a while back, I gave my class a case to analyze. I asked them to write a two-page brief. After they turned it in, I said, “Ok, great. Now cut it down to one page.”
The class almost unanimously told me that THIS was the hard part- it took them longer to write less. I’d also be willing to bet that anyone who writes professionally would agree with them, too.
That also made the lesson stick better.
Saying what you mean clearly, concisely, and directly is a skill. Connecting your message to a real story or experience helps people remember what you said.
It doesn’t mean you must tell long stories or make everything emotional. It means sharing examples that make a point. If you’ve ever explained a concept through a quick personal example instead of just listing bullet points, you’ve won half the battle.
4. Genuine Curiosity (That Drives Better Listening)
People say “ask good questions” and “be a good listener” all the time. However, what makes the most significant difference is curiosity for the right reasons. Not to prove a point or catch someone in a contradiction—but to truly understand what they’re thinking.
When someone is genuinely curious, you can tell. They’re listening to learn, not just waiting for their turn to talk. They’re leaning in, not checking out. They ask questions like, “How did you come to that conclusion?” or “What makes you feel that way?”
When curiosity is real, the conversation changes. You build better connections and get better information.
5. Getting Comfortable With Tension
No one loves awkward conversations, but they happen. There are pauses, silences, and disagreements. Sometimes, people push back or don’t say much, which can feel heavy.
One of the best things you can do for your career is to stay grounded when things get uncomfortable. That applies to complicated negotiations, leadership meetings, or giving tough feedback.
There’s a phrase I love: “Be comfortable being uncomfortable.” If you can do that, you’ll stand out. You’ll also earn trust because people know you won’t panic or run when things get tricky or awkward.
6. Executive Presence
This one is hard to define but easy to recognize. It’s the ability to speak with confidence and calm in high-stakes situations. People with executive presence don’t talk louder or take up more space. They communicate, hold steady, and make people listen.
I learned this from Ron Shapiro- the founder and namesake behind Shapiro Negotiations Institute and someone I consider a mentor. He showed me the ropes very early on in my career. We’d be in a meeting throwing around ideas. Sometimes, mine would be chosen—but only after he repeated them with more conviction: same ideas, different impact. I realized right then that delivery mattered more than I thought.
Over time, I learned to speak with more confidence—not fake confidence but real conviction when I believed in something. I also learned that it’s okay to say, “I don’t know; let me find out.” People respond to that mix of confidence and humility.
7. Adaptive Communication & Framing
Everyone communicates differently. Some want a quick text, while others need a phone call. Some respond to a big-picture vision, while others want data and specifics. One style doesn’t work for every situation.
I’ve worked with sales teams where the top performers knew when to shift gears. They’d travel for an important meeting, call to check in, and email when a quick update was enough. The lower performers would rely on one method—usually email—and miss chances to build trust or move deals forward.
Framing also applies here- or how you convey your message. If you’re working with someone who talks in “I feel” language, using “I see” or “I hear” might miss the mark. If you’re managing up, you need to get your message across in a way your boss will take seriously. And if you want someone to stick with a plan, they need to feel like they helped shape it—not like it was handed to them.
Flexing your communication style is a huge advantage. It makes you easier to work with and harder to ignore.
Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing I’ve seen over and over again, it’s that people who get ahead aren’t always the smartest or most experienced. But they often know how to connect with others, handle pressure, and communicate clearly.
These seven skills aren’t fancy. They’re everyday tools. But they take practice. You don’t need to master them all at once—pick one and start using it more often. Watch what changes. The results might surprise you.
Most importantly, if you’re leading a sales team, managing procurement, or running L&D, think about how to build these skills into your culture and help your people get better at them. In a world full of noise, clear communication and strong influence still carry the most weight.
