Media Coverage
Author Stresses Negotiation's Niceties
By: Pam Dawkins
People negotiate everyday in all parts of their lives so not only should they do it well, they should do it nicely, according to an author of the technique.
"Much is lost for the want of asking," said Ronald M. Shapiro, author and founder of the Shapiro Negotiations Institue, quoting what he called an old English proverb. In addition to offering negotiating seminars and consultant work, Shapiro is an agent-attorney for baseball players.
One of his better-known clients, Cal Ripken Jr., wrote the forward for "The Power of Nice: How to Negotiate So Everyone Wins - Especially You." John Wiley & Sons Inc. recently released a revised issue of the book, first published in 1998.
Negotiating starts with children and their parents in the prennial argument over bedtime, said Shapiro.
Shapiro said his negotiating concept is twofold:
First, develop a philosophy of negotiating, to guide yourself and help get what you want.
Second, compromise is not a bad thing.
"Win-win is not a wimp-wimp," he said. "No deal is a one-time deal," so being nice, and helping others involved get what they want will pay off.
The secret to successful negotiating, he said, is to develop a fairly simple, systematic approach.
He calls it the "three P's:" prepare, probe and propose.
His book includes a seven-step "preparation planner," to assist with the first "P." This includes preparing alternatives and thinking through what the negotiation is all about.
The second "P," probing, is where he said most people fail. to listen to what the other side is saying. Finding out what your opponent needs and wants, said Shapiro, is where the real opportunities are.
"You find ways to make it happen by asking questions and being a good listener," he said.
Most people are used to the third "P"-propose.
He recommends against immediately accepting an offer and tells his clients not to be afraid to aim a little high.
According to the Baltimore-based Shapiro, he evolved his philosophy over time, after expirences early in his career taught him that "you could overreach."
When he began negotiating baseball conracts, Shapiro said, he became successful by thinking about the realationships he was creating and weighing everyone's interests. He then decided to turn his skills into a book, written with Mark A. Jankowski, co-founder of SNI, and writer James Dale.
While most purchases come from corporate bulk buys, Shapiro said he hears from readers who use it in family situations. One teacher, he said, uses it to teach communication skills.
He is working on another book along the same theme and continues to build the repertoire of stories he uses to illustrate his points.
"I tell a lot of stories of mistakes I made," he said, both in the books and during the seminars.
Shapiro believes his lessons are more valuable now in the wake of the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks and the wave of corporate and religious scandals than ever before.
"We have to value relationships more than ever."
Pam Dawkins, YourMoney editor, can be reached at 330-6351.
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