Media Coverage
The Power of Nice®
Reviewed by Mark T. Gould
Sports agent. Nice. You're kidding, right?
Wrong. At least if you're Ron Shapiro.
Of course, a cynic might say that, when your client stable includes Cal Ripken Jr., Kirby Puckett, Jim Palmer, and Brooks Robinson, not to mention Oprah Winfrey, among others, it's awfully easy to be nice. Yet Shapiro, a cum laude graduate of Harvard Law School, actually talks the nice talk and walks the nice walk. How does he do it?
Easily, or so it seems from reading this fun, informative, hands-on (hey, you gotta touch to be nice!) book, co-authored with Mr. Jankowski, also a Harvard Law grad, a former corporate attorney, and co-founder of the Shapiro Negotiations Institute.
In fact, Ripken gives us the premise of this book in his foreword, stating, "Ron Shapiro finds out how both parties can come out with a win. He is a real-life example of a successful win-win negotiator." Sounds simple enough. Yet can it be done in this "win at all costs" world?
Emphatically, according to this book, the answer is yes. Rule number one, highlighted so the reader does not miss it: "The best way to get what you want is to help the other side get what they want." Okay, but how? Shapiro offers several ideas. First, he says, display confidence based upon knowledge. Second, make sure the other side achieves some, perhaps not all, of their goals. Third, utilize the "three Ps" (if I tell you what they are, you might not buy the book and learn). Fourth, out-negotiate a "bad guy" without becoming one.
How is this done? Shapiro and Jankowski suggest that both sides need to find ways to agree - common ground, if you will. They also urge that all parties remove their egos from the bargaining table, be creative in negotiations, and, heaven forbid, "increase the pie" (reviewer's note: but don't try that without authority from your client, which may be a negotiation in itself).
Shapiro and Jankowski also suggest how to avoid the "I win/you lose" negotiation strategies, which, they say will not work in either the short or the long run. First, don't assume the other side is an adversary. Learn about the other side, gain their trust, and understand what they need to do. Also, try to avoid entrenched positions that leave little, if any, room for movement on either side. Almost conversely, though, don't underestimate the power of the other side, and never give in to the urge to "hit back" or "teach them a lesson."
According to the authors, the reality of win/win negotiations is that one side normally gets more than the other does. The key, they say, is to make sure that it's your side. How? Find out what the other side wants, sometimes simply by asking point-blank. Assess your own needs before entering into the fray. Satisfy your interest well, and satisfy theirs acceptably. But in doing that, don't be a wimp, giving in in the hopes of winning. Don't act like the other side is beneath you, and don't stress being liked over making a good deal.
Planning and good communication, the authors stress, are keys to win/win negotiations. It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you know what's going on, but you need to prepare for surprises. Good preparation will save time in negotiations. In preparing, understand alternatives, the interests of both sides, deadlines, strengths and weakness, and strategies.
Getting into the minds of those on the other side of the table also is important. When the other side takes a position, the immediate reaction is to counter with your own. However, it may make more sense to ask why, and then a nonthreatening approach like "what if" may work. During negotiations, questions are the best answers. Avoid trying to read minds. Also, the authors stress, don't take negotiations personally, and learn to slow down and cool off if necessary.
Perhaps the most important chapter of the book is near the end. It deals with building relationships for the future with persons on the other side. It is a relatively small world out there, and, as the authors point out, it is likely that you will see the other side's representatives across the table again. So check out their office walls, clothes, pictures, cars, jokes, body ailments, and whatever else can positively establish a personal link. That will build up trust and will help the next time around.
Can you be a successful negotiator and be nice at the same time? It may seem tough, but with the help of this book, it can be done.
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